


Lost In An Endless Sea

by Billxbesitztxmeinxherz



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2011-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz/pseuds/Billxbesitztxmeinxherz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hungry, tired, and alone the Kaulitz twins are stranded on an uncharted island when their plane crashes. They end up going their separate ways but Bill is never truly able to escape Tom. And Tom's a lot closer than Bill thinks.<br/><br/><a href="http://photobucket.com"><img/></a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Laughter

Cool but rough sand.

 

It slides in between my toes every time I take a step. Rough tiny grains dragging along the equally rough bottoms of my feet spill giddily everywhere in my wake. Cool to the touch like bath tiles, a feeling that I wouldn’t think I’d be missing ever. Pitch-blackness encompasses me but I feel no fear. There is no need to feel fear here.

 

It’s been seven long years sine I’ve seen my homeland, or any actual land for that matter. It’s been seven long years since my twin brother and I were in a plane accident in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. We were famous once the popular singer and guitarist of a silly teeny band called Tokio Hotel. But that was the old us, and the old us were idiots.

 

It was like any other normal day for a German teenage rock star. My brother, band members, and I were flying to a concert in the United States when we flew into an unexpected storm. Memories of screaming and terror that I had tried to push to the back of my mind no longer haunted my dreams as they used to. Occasionally I will awake in the dead of night sweaty and screaming for help only to find that I am alone. I had almost fainted when we hit the water but Tom, protective as ever, pulled me out of the desecrated body of the plane and we clung onto a wooden crate. The sky was dark with the night as streams of lightning flashed overhead only adding to our fear. The image of dead bodies floating in the red-stained water will always haunt my mind. For I can never forget how much Tom and I lost that day. We lost our career, we lost the two G’s, and we lost our bond.

 

I had been near hysterical after the crash as we spent three long days floating aimlessly out at sea. Hoping. Praying. That someone would come and find us by the second day I had given up all hope. The ocean works in mysterious ways and my brother and I eventually found our selves being washed up onto to shore. I was dying of thirst and delusional when we hit land ready to give up and die. But Tom wouldn’t allow that. I’ll never be sure if he was as scared as I was but he put on a good show of hiding it during our ordeal. Not once did he cry or show any sign of fear, he couldn’t. Tom was the stronger twin and he had always taken it upon himself to keep his emotions bottled up inside. I was the complete opposite. The moment the plane hit the water had not stopped crying. Not when Tom came and saved me, or when we hit land, or even when we set up camp on our new home. I had merely sat on a rock shaking with fear and blubbering while Tom wandered around gathering firewood and making a shelter.

 

We had both had hopes that within the first day of our arrival on the island we would find civilization. For hours we searched around the island finding no sign of life but Tom refused to give up. Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks. One morning when Tom woke me demanding we search again I had been unresponsive trembling and refusing to leave the safety of our shelter. That was truly when the fighting started. Tom was scared too and the only was he knew how to get rid of his fear was violence. He began to yell at me blaming this whole mess on me as it were my fault somehow. Something in me had snapped then and I fought back just as violent picking up sand and hurling it at him. After hours of screaming and punching one another Tom made the final blow when he took a coconut and slammed it against my head. The hit wasn’t a hard one but I knew at that point if Tom wanted to kill me he could. So I had done what came almost instinctively, I had bolted into the woods trying to get as far away from Tom’s cries of apology I could.

 

I never returned to that side of the island. I was filled with sadness and turmoil and was too afraid to face my brother again. Looking back on that decision I greatly regret it now. It’s been seven years since I’ve seen my twin and it pains me terribly. But how could I face him now? After I ran like a coward and never returned? Surely he hates me now. I cannot bear to think about it.

 

Every now and again I’ll hear rustling in the woods or a shiver down my spine as if someone is watching me. But every time I turn around there is never anyone there. I know I’m loosing my mind, I have been since we crashed but lately I feel the process speeding up. Almost every time I go out to collect fruit I hear a rustle of leaves. Every time I wash my clothes in the tidal pools I hear the sounds of feet on wet rocks. I hear voices now. Voices that I have not heard in years. The sound of Georg laughing of Gustav’s quiet murmurs on the bus. But the most vivid of sounds is the cheery laugh of my brother.

 

It is a sound that I wish to never hear again and yet I still find myself listening carefully for it.

 

* * *

 

“I’m low on water again,” I mutter to myself picking up the carved out husk of a palm tree.

 

I find it funny how self-sufficient I am now. For my entire life I had been entirely dependent on Tom but now for once I feel in control. I made my own shelter on my own side of the island. I made my own tools. I collect my own food and my own water. I am my own person. And yet I still have the strangest feeling of loneliness.

 

In my diminishing state of mind I find myself more desperate than ever to hear the sound of my twin’s laugh. The memories of Georg and Gustav have faded long ago but Tom keeps getting more vivid. I’ve noticed a pattern to it and have turned into quite the thrill seeker in the process. Tom’s laughs would come at random times when I was off in the woods until one day I had been debating on committing suicide. I climbed to a cliff’s edge thinking over my sadness when I heard Tom’s laugh. Unlike the others it was panicked and begging almost as if it were begging me not to do this. Frightened I had taken a step closer to the edge in fear of the laughing upon my movement however the laughing turned into near sobbing.

 

Frightened and unsure of what it all meant I had come down from the cliff’s edge and the laughing immediately stopped. I did not hear it again for almost a month.

 

The laughter came at other times all of the situations when I was putting myself in danger. I found myself craving the sound of it especially when it began hysterical as I took one step closer to death. Whenever I was safe at home I’d think of new ways to hear it each one more dangerous than the next. With each death attempt the laughing got closer, louder, and more hysterical and I savored it. The fear danger of actually being able to die and the sick laughter begging me to stop gave me such an adrenaline rush that brought me back to the old days. It was in those moments that I could still hear the screaming of the fangirls or the blindness when the stage lights were in your eyes. And so I created a sick twisted game with the laughter pushing it and pushing it each time just to get that rush. That brief surge of power.

 

Gripping the palm tree husk I crept out of my shelter and looked around. It was late afternoon and I knew it would be getting dark soon the laughter was always the loudest at night. I stepped out into the woods and began to make my way towards the hidden lagoon that I always went to for my water. I made sure to take careful quiet steps grinning to myself when I heard the loud crack of snapping branches behind me. The laughter was always loud it seemed when following me.

 

I came to the water’s edge and sat down frowning into the water but grinning inside. For the slightest moment I caught a glimpse of a reflection in the water, a figure dashing behind me trying to stay hidden. I took a deep breath and prepared myself I had to get this right or this may be the last time I ever heard the laughter again.

 

I got up dropping the husk beside me and began to strip slowly. Off to my right I could hear the sound of hitching breath and I grinned peeling my shredded shirt off of my body agonizingly slow. My reflection in the lagoon smiled back at me and I winked at it bending over with my rump in the air and sliding my pants off. The sound of a cracking branch made me jump slightly but I forced myself to remain calm.

 

The cool night air makes my flesh turn slightly blue and quiver with excitement. I stared at how pale my skin was and how it appeared to be stretched taught over my ribs, sort of like how when drying out skins the pelt is stretched on a loom. I sputter at the thought and let out a shaky breath trying not to panic when I see it form small puffs before my eyes. It’s especially cold out tonight signaling that winter is drawing nearer to our little island.

 

I awkwardly stand before the lagoon for a moment listening intently for any sounds. The laughter if silent now and I curled my hands into fists angrily. I’m doing this for the laughter, just to hear my twin’s ghost one more time, how dare it not voice itself now.

 

Smiling devilishly to myself I stretched out my back arching like cat and yawned. My arms shot out behind my back and grasp one another helping me fully erect myself to full height. One hand made its way up to my hair and I ran my fingers through the long raven locks. My hair has gotten very long ever since our arrival to the island and I don’t cut it often. It’s long now, longer than when I wore long as a child, long enough now that it’s longer than most girls. Even despite our new environment I make sure to take good care of my hair. It’s never knotted or matted as I wash it everyday with different herbs and roots I found around the island. In fact with all of these natural resources my hair’s never looked healthier.

 

“Oh Tomi,” I sighed sauntering along the water’s edge running my hands up and down my body. I was just in my boxers now as I slowly stepped into the warm water of the lagoon. It scalded my feet and I yelped dramatically shivering with pleasure as I lowered myself in. All around me steam is coming out of the lagoon creating an almost private fog obscuring my view.

 

I closed my eyes and leaned back into the water listening quietly. I listen for a sound, any sound, letting me know that my ghost has followed me here. After about minute I still didn’t hear anything and I frowned sitting up slightly and peeking around. It’s absolutely dark out now and I picked up a rock hurling it into the bushes. Still I heard no laughter.

 

“H-hello?” I called out meaning for it to come out firm but instead it came out meek and frightened.

 

“Hello? Is anyone-” I frowned correcting myself, “Is anything there?”

 

Silence is all I hear and the rustling in the bushes has stopped long ago. Panic begins to over take me and I find myself bit my lip to hold back my tears. My ghost couldn’t have abandoned me, not after watching me for so long, it couldn’t have.

 

“Mr. Ghost?” I tremble not from the cold night air but from fear, “Please, please answer me. I know you watch me. Please.”

 

“Please!” I burst into tears sinking lower in the burning water, “I know you’re there! Please just a sign? I’ve been along for so long please…”

 

The jungle is silent and not even the quiet chirping of crickets can be heard now. The tall trees obscure my view of the moon and I have no means to telling just how long I’ve been out here, alone. Chasing after phantoms that my mind has made up to help cope with the fact that Tomi, my twin, could have been dead on the other side of the island all this time I wouldn’t even know it. Or worse yet he had been rescued and let me here to rot as he returned to the rock star life boozing and picking up girls every night. The thought made my throat clench and I sobbed out covering my eyes with my hands.

 

“Please…” I whisper quietly to the darkness, “I miss you Tomi… I miss you so much.”

 

I burst into tears then sobbing violently. My body shakes from the amount of tears pouring out of my eyes splashing into the murky lagoon water. It’s a strange sensation, as the lower half of my body is turning pink from the heat while my torso is shivering from the cool night air. I’ve never felt more embarrassed and alone in my life. I’ve lost everything and who honestly would know if I were to die tonight? Would anyone remember Bill Kaulitz the teeny rock star that disappeared several years ago? I highly doubt with the music industry being as vicious as it is. My name was probably forgotten the very next week after my disappearance.

 

“Why?” I sobbed out staring up at the dark star-less sky, “Please I’m so alone… I don’t want to die alone… why can’t anyone? Please I’m so tired of being alone!”

 

The sight of coiled rope catches my eye and suddenly my plan for that evening comes to mind again. However this time the finale will be slightly different.

 

Getting up on trembling legs I sniff loudly as I made my way over the rope. I had spent weeks finding various vines and tall grass to make that rope strong enough to support a body. To support a body and not snap when that body flailed.

 

“Will you not laugh for me one last time Mr. Ghost?” I whispered climbing up onto the rocks above the lagoon. Tall rocks surround the lagoon prime for jumping and a large tree’s branch stuck out right over the lagoon. I had jumped from the rocks to the branch many times before landing in the water below but this time I wouldn’t be coming down.

 

“Will you not laugh one more time?” I whimpered, “You sound just like my Tomi… just like him…. Tomi I love you so much.”

 

Reaching out with trembling hands I knot one end of the rope around the giant tree’s trunk and loop the rope over the branch. A noose hung from the end dangling down above the water and pulled it towards me breathing hard.

 

“One more time?” I asked to the night. Silence was my answer and I sighed fitting my head through the loop, “Goodbye.”

 

I throw myself off of the cliff quickly before I can change my mind. For a moment I’m free floating through the air as the cool night breeze wraps around me like a blanket. The feeling is gone within a moment as a sharp tug around my neck pulls me to a stop. Gravity pulls my body down but the noose around my neck holds me up as my legs flail helplessly. All of my plans are forgotten in an instant and I choke kicking my legs out helplessly. Natural survival instinct takes over trying to save myself convincing me that I don’t want to die. I can feel the rope digging into my neck unforgivingly as it squeezes my windpipe tighter and tighter with each passing moment. Black spots overtake my vision and I attempt to scream for help when in reality it comes out more like a soft gasp.

 

“Agh… ack uh… agh,” I choke pulling at the rope with my hands but to no avail. I’m going to die any moment and I scream a cry of anguish, “Nuh… nuh agh.”

 

Just as my eyes close and my body begins to feel warm in the cool night air I hear it, a scream this time. Not a jolly laughter or the hysterical one that I’ve heard before but an actual cry of panic and it’s not my own. My vision had turned black as my face burns blue and I know whoever it is that has come to save me is too late. Death already had me in his clutches and is stroking my hair softly ready to fully suck me down.

 

“BILL!” I hear a voice scream angrily but it’s faint barely above a whisper in my ears.

 

Time stands still for a moment and I’m already more than halfway dead when a hard object slams into my body powerfully. I hear the rope snap at the additional weight and soon my darkness had turned warm but not like the warmth I felt when on the brink of death. This warmth feels like that of another body and I struggled to open my eyes only to watch perplexed as our bodies land in the lagoon with a big splash. Water is around me now and somewhere in our fall the other person has let go of me. I’m on my back watching the surface shrink further and further away as I near the bottom of the lagoon. There is no air in this new hell either and I my eyes grow heavy as my body shuts down.

 

The last sight I see is a large figure swimming frantically towards me.


	2. Chapter 2

_Time stands still for a moment and I’m already more than halfway dead when a hard object slams into my body powerfully. I hear the rope snap at the additional weight and soon my darkness had turned warm but not like the warmth I felt when on the brink of death. This warmth feels like that of another body and I struggled to open my eyes only to watch perplexed as our bodies land in the lagoon with a big splash. Water is around me now and somewhere in our fall the other person has let go of me. I’m on my back watching the surface shrink further and further away as I near the bottom of the lagoon. There is no air in this new hell either and I my eyes grow heavy as my body shuts down._

 _The last sight I see is a large figure swimming frantically towards me._

 

I’m awakened by forceful pushes crushing my chest and warm lips as my rescuer pumps air into my lungs. It’s making my lungs sore and I shove the person out of the way when a sudden rush of water comes up my throat. I don’t even catch a glimpse of my savior’s face but warm rough hands hold back my hair and rub my back softly as I heave.

 

“Are you alright?” A voice whispers sounding strangled, I jump back immediately still coughing up water.

 

The sight that meets my eyes makes my stomach drop. There standing before me is a man dressed in rags. At first glance one might think the man is homeless however upon closer inspection they’d discover that the man standing before me is far from it. He’s panting slightly no doubt from performing CPR drenched in water. His clothes look like patchwork in its numerous patterns and designs all sewed together and they cling to his wet frame lightly. His arms and legs are tanned to a nice golden color and I gulp as I examine the muscles there. Muscles that had always been there but never this large before. The man’s hazel eyes sparkle in delight and I take a step back. I no longer know this man.

 

“Are you hurt?” The man asks again but softer this time eyeing me worriedly. His once dirty blonde hair is mostly brown now and he’s cut off the dreadlocks that I once recognized so well replacing it with a shorter cut. His bangs are falling in his eyes slightly and he shakes his head tossing them to the side, a droplet of water hits me in the face but I make no move to wipe it off.

 

“W-what?” I whispered silently unable to grasp what’s happening in front of me. I glance around the clearing he’s brought me to not recognizing the layout; he’s brought me back to his side of the island.

 

“Please,” He shouts desperately when I turn to leave, “Please… don’t go.”

 

“W-why are you here?” I ask quietly not meeting his eyes. I shake my head as I take in his image, this cannot be him, and this is not the man I love.

 

“Billa,” He pleads I wince at the sound of my own name falling off his lips, “Don’t leave me again. Don’t do this.”

 

“You’re not real!” I snap feeling the tears welling in my eyes.

 

“What?” He asks confused taking a step towards me, “Billa what are you talking about?”

 

“You’re fucking dead!” I scream. His eyes flicker in something that looks like sadness and suddenly I can’t take it anymore. I run.

 

“Bill! Bill!” I hear him calling over my shoulder, “Bill wait! Come back! Bill!”

 

“Get away from me!” I scream pushing my way through the trees. This part of the jungle is unfamiliar and I blindly stumble around in the darkness of night barely managing to dodge tress as they whirl towards me. I can hear him at my heels and I gasp, tears running down my face, I will escape his memory this time… once and for all.

 

“Bill!” I hear him shout off to my right. I take a sharp left and break into a full out sprint screaming my head off like I’m being murdered. I see the trees clearing up ahead and I run towards it, what I don’t see is that it’s a drop off. I try to slow my legs down but the inertia is too much like that of running down a hill. My legs stomp into the dirt getting sliced opened by rocks and sticks as I attempt to save myself.

 

Then I hear it.

 

The laughing of my ghost is back again. I can hear his hearty laughs right in my ear and I scream as I come to a stop at the cliff’s edge. I’m balancing on my toes now trying to shift my weight back to the safety of land behind me but an unseen force is tugging me forward. There’s a scream in the forest but the laughing the louder. With one last chuckle the ghost smiles against my neck and then shoves me.

 

“Tom!” I wail as I fall over the edge. I can see his figure burst out from the trees just as I fall and soon the air is swirling around me. I’m falling. I’m going to die.

 

“Bill!” I hear Tom’s panicked shriek from on top the cliff. As quick as lightning a hand shoots out and roughly grabs me by my wrist pulling hard. My fall comes to a stop and I scream in pain as the force jerks my shoulder.

 

“Bill!” I hear Tom shout I look up and gasp. Tom is leaned over the edge on his stomach arms outstretched with his one hand gripping my wrist tightly, “Don’t worry I’ve got you!”

 

His swings his other arm down and grabs my other arm by the shoulder and begins to hoist me up. Within an instant I’m on top of the cliff again and Tom has wrapped me in his arms tightly. His weight crushes my chest and I gasp for air sobbing and sputtering. My broken wrist lays crushed between out two bodies as he suddenly his hands are grabbing my face pulling it to his.

 

“Tom.”

 

It’s as if the wall dividing us has been broken and I stare up at him in amazement. He is real. This is real.

 

“Oh my god Tomi.” I sob throwing my arms around him. His attempted kiss lands sloppily against my cheek and I hold him close rubbing my self against him frantically, not in a sexual way but just the pure need of having his body close to mine. His strong arms wrap around my waist and trap me there as if he’s afraid I’ll bolt again.

 

“Billa,” He breathes against my neck. Wetness meets my cheek and I realize he’s crying as well, “I love you. I love you so much.”

 

“You’re not dead,” I respond cupping his cheeks and looking him in face. I use my thumbs and gently wipe away his tears, “I missed you so much.”

 

Then I’m leaning in crushing out mouths together. He stumbles backwards for a moment before kissing me back just as fiercely. His breathes are now almost like labored pants as he dives his tongue in deep into my mouth. I whimper softly and that only boosts his ego. His hands roam down my back and he cups my rear lifting me so slightly.

 

“I love you,” He says again kissing everywhere his lips can on my face, “I love you so much.”

 

“Tomi,” I gasp when he presses an insistent finger through the thin layer of my clothes against my entrance.

 

“I want to fuck you,” He pants sucking on my neck. I tilt my head back and kneel as he supports me with his arms, “I want to make love to you.”

 

“T-Tomi… what?” I gasp as my senses are in overload. His arms grip the fabric of my shirt and soon he’s pulling at them sliding the layers off my shoulders. The cold wind is like a wakeup call.

 

“No!” I gasp stopping his hands he looks at me panicked, “Not here.” A smile falls upon his lips and he kisses me one more time.

 

“Follow me.”

 

* * *

 

“ _TOM_!” I scream as he thrusts his hips again.

 

I feel raw and torn open as he increases his aggressive thrusts. I’m laying helplessly on his cot blissed out so he grabs my hips and lifts them for me slamming against my prostate hard with each movement. I can feel the sweat sliding between our bodies as it hangs in the humid night air, the faintest of glows from a candle barely lighting the room.

 

Tom looks exactly the way I imagined him to look as a child, minus the dreadlocks. His face is still a little bit too narrow almost feminine and he still has those that plump bottom lip the both of us have. Only now his body is wide and toned nothing like the pale lanky body he had when I last saw him. I cry out in pleasure as he hits that spot again and watch how his muscles flex above me. His face is screwed up in concentration and all I can do is watch.

 

“I love you,” He pants as he thrusts again. His head falls back when he’s found a good rhythm as his hips are thrusting forward on their own accord now pumping into my body at a sharp rapid pace, “I love you.”

 

I open my mouth to speak but a moan falls off my lips instead. I’ve hardly talked the entire time while Tom has been filling the silence with his chants of telling me he loved me and his curses of appreciation for when I’d squeeze around him. His thrusts are making the cot rock now and I brace myself gripping the sheets with my toes and latching onto his shoulders as his thrusts shove my body further up on the bed.

 

“Bill!” He screams in my face as he comes. He give a hard thrust as he releases and my mouth falls open as it feel it rush inside of me.

 

He continues to thrust as he comes down and it’s just enough to set me off. I let out a strangled cry and claw at his shoulders as I come as well. My release hits him in the stomach and chest and he groans flopping down on top of me. His weight is crushing and oppressive but I don’t tell him to move. In fact I wrap my shaking arms around him and sigh into his neck kissing him.

 

“Tom, I love you.” I whisper.

 

“I love you Bill.” He pants against my neck.


End file.
